Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
