went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
