I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
