So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
