he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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