Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
