evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so let's talk penis.
my being single is dangerous.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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