I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
