just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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