wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
