some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
