never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
