Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
