Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
