when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ketchup is God's man juice
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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