If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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