sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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