is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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