Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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