So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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