would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
