You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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