Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
