We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
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Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You ate ashes out of my bong
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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