its not stalking. its research.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
