Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
