My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
