eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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