how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
