pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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