If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
