1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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