Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
