He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
