just tell him i said nine months
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
