im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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