I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
