um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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