the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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