omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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