The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
