that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
