its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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