literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
