Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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