her vagine was all disorganized.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You dont lie about slip and slides
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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