oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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