I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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