Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
