guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I touched a dick in church today
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
