It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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