Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
