I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
