...so i touched it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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