I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
