I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
