apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
