Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
