i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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