Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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