i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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