thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just crazy horny about you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
