I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize