Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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