You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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