never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
