4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
