marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
