I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
