Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
