I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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