i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
