i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
