69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
