I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
