is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this will be a night to untag.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
