Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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