Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
