I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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