Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
