bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
