Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
