help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
