I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
