How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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