i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
